


Somewhere Only We Know

by Sweet_Espresso



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Myra Kaspbrak Friendly, POV Eddie Kaspbrak, Soft Eddie Kaspbrak, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:43:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29503599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Espresso/pseuds/Sweet_Espresso
Summary: Eddie's given up. He did everything right and it went very, very wrong, so now he just wants to have his crisis alone dammit.Too bad his neighbors don't approve.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Myra Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Somewhere Only We Know

When Eddie was little, Annie from the block over loved to play the princess and the dragon.

She’d scream shrilly from the top of the Turner’s fence until a brave knight, usually one of the louder boys with a height to match, would slay the dragon that prowled the yard. Eddie was never invited to play because he was too short to be a knight and too small to be a dragon and “we just don’t like you, so there.” And so Eddie would watch them as he passed by, never taking more than passing glances in case the dragon sought to eat him. Or at least leave him trounced and bleeding on the street.

Even so, Eddie didn’t understand the appeal.

The princess was demanding, the knight was cruel, and the dragon? Well, the dragon had made a home and was simply defending it, and the princess could’ve just climbed down, couldn’t she? Eddie felt he would’ve made a fine dragon.

Years later, not much had changed. Eddie went to and from home giving everyone only passing glances. He respected their space and hoped that they’d respect his. He may not be a knight but he had a castle and now he had his princess… Myra never shrieked, but she cried a lot. She cried when she was scared for Eddie, when she was frustrated because Eddie wasn’t listening to her, wasn’t paying her enough attention, wasn’t treating her well, wasn’t responding enough to her texts and calls, wouldn’t give her a chance to be _happy_ \--

Yes, Eddie was more of a dragon. And so it made sense when one day she was rescued by a knight.

“Eddie, please understand, he makes me so happy…”

“I had no choice Eddie, you were just never home…”

“Eddie, I never meant to hurt you!”

Myra wept as she and Bob sat on the couch that Eddie had paid for, all for Myra. He was fine with the couch they had, but wouldn’t this one fit the space better and _isn’t this fabric darling and oh nevermind Eddie, of course we can keep the old couch that you love, I just thought that it would be nice to get something that I like for once_ …

Eddie sat there silently, staring at the bracelet on her wrist that she swore made her think of their first anniversary, remember _how in love we were, oh I felt so appreciated then Eddie, but that’s ok, I know you’re busy but I miss you so much and it would be nice to wear it and remember._

Myra’s tears were dripping everywhere and her voice shook as she tried to explain herself, explain why she had no choice, explain why she knew that Eddie loved her but she just deserved to finally be happy, and Eddie wondered distantly when this was supposed to make sense. Staring at his white fingers clenching his trousers, he supposed that Myra had always cried enough for the both of them. He could only stare at the couch, the bracelet, all of the failed attempts to give her what she deserved, and supposed that he in turned deserves this.

The dragon never gets to keep the princess. And Eddie wondered what the point ever was.

-

The truck he rented was too big. Eddie had never imagined any of their belongings as his alone and so grabbed clothing and a couple of pieces for sitting and storage. He didn’t need much and he couldn’t bring himself to care. Still, he found himself bemused on how little space his life took. 

Myra had trailed him from room to room, desperately seeking reassurance. Before he would have tried to listen. Before he would have changed _something_ to fix the current problem. To fix the pit in his stomach that echoed his failures as she grasped at his arm and wept, as his insides drew back and his mind screamed _don't hurt her, don't hurt her, stop hurting her-_

But now?

She still grasped his arm and wept, she still looked at him with those large desperate eyes. He hunched in on himself and grabbed his clothes. His toothbrush. The medications that listed Edward Kasprak as the owner of. Eddie packed, moved around Myra and Bob as he worked to vacate his life, and mentally checked out for the rest.

His boss encouraged him to take time off. Eddie couldn’t help but visualize someone sawing off a chunk of his lifespan (“well, it’s not like you need it, right? organ donation's all the rage”). His coworkers gave him pitying looks as they walked past, and Allan from accounting sent him a brief text of "everything happens for a reason man, it'll get better" and that was that. Too bad, so sad. Bob was a coworker. Bob met Myra at a Christmas party. Apparently Bob help Myra pick out Eddie's birthday present because she just didn't know him anymore. When Eddie's boss told him to take some time off and keep in touch, neither of them could look the other in the eye. 

There was no part of his adult life that wasn't based on Myra.

And so Eddie packed and set everything in a truck that was too big all because something about Eddie had chased Myra out of his home, and shouldn't his belongings reflect that?

He warily glanced around his new apartment complex. It was probably more than he should be paying now (divorce, lawyer, checking accounts, savings, not at work, _why the hell aren’t I at work?_ ), but his mother had heard the news and was begging Eddie to come back home so that she could take care of him properly.

She had never liked Myra and the feeling was mutual.

Eddie tried to placate both, but when his mother started planning his return to Derry he panicked.

“An apartment? Eddie, that’s a terrible idea! You’ll be alone and surrounded by dangerous people, you KNOW the kind of people who live in apartments Eddie!” He tried to take a breath and she steamrolled through. “Besides it will take forever to choose an apartment Eddie, come home and I’ll help you look for someplace, someplace close.” (His chest rattled with home home _she’ll drag you home she’ll keep you home she’s a dragon in her own right and she’ll eat you alive_ )

“I’ve already picked a place ma!” It came out more a wheeze but it stopped Sonia Kasprak cold.

“You… Eddie, you can’t be serious! It takes time, research, you’re not thinking clearly!” Eddie jumped in, desperate in a way he hadn’t been in a long time. He typed furiously, running a search and skimming through the list of names. “I have! I have, and it’s perfect, it’s just what I need for work and besides I’ve already paid the deposit and I need to go so that I can finalize everything! I mean, it’s finalized, but there are some more… papers, yes, signatures! I need to get going for the signatures!”

If Eddie had ever been truly asthmatic, he would’ve been in trouble now. “But Eddie, where are you going?!? You can’t be serious!” Eddie’s eyes landed on a stonework entrance. The reviews, positive. It looked… safe. Eddie took a breath and felt something curiously settle.

“Ma, I found it and it's _perfect_."

And for whatever reason that thought rang true.

\--

Eddie didn’t know who was more terrified, him or the agent who he convinced to let Eddie sign without viewing the apartment.

Eddie couldn’t explain it, but he knew if he went inside he’d panic and leave. He signed and paid and mentally reviewed his rapidly declining bank account (apparently Myra and Bob needed some things, even though they had the house and couch and everything else that made Myra happy, everything except Eddie). The agent shuffled the stack together and stood, passing Eddie the keys with a strained smile. “Welcome home Mr. Kasprak!”

Eddie tightened his fist around the keys and tried to keep his heart from imploding as the hysteria bubbled up through his throat.

What the hell was he _doing_?

The apartment complex was a series of stone buildings that reached heavenward. It was outside of the city and there were trees and air and Eddie could imagine his younger self climbing them and roaring to the sky-

“…some help?”

Eddie startled, whipping around to face a man. He was tall, attractive, built, with a gentle face and kind eyes. On a picnic table further back sat a group who watched them. Eddie felt his face color, “what?” The man grinned. “Sorry for scaring you, I just wanted to see if you’d like some help? With your things?” A pause as Eddie stared at him, probably looking like a crazy person.

“Ah, I’m Ben, I live in this building too. With my girlfiend, Beverly.” He glanced back and a stunning redhead waved at them. “Would you like a hand? Or six?” He gave a slight chuckle as if unsure of his welcome. Eddie wasn’t sure of it either. “It’s – I’m fine, thanks.” Eddie’s phone started ringing. “No need to trouble yourself, I’m just- I’m… Fuck, excuse me, please!” Eddie felt flustered, panicked and definitely off-kilter as he swung his gaze from the curious group and answered his phone without checking the ID. “Edward Kasprak speaking.”

“…Eddie?” Myra’s voice was plaintive.

Eddie faltered. Myra was soft and sensitive, and Eddie gaped. This was his wife. His wife who wouldn’t hurt a fly. But she had an affair and hurt Eddie, but apparently Eddie had hurt her first and how does he _do_ this?

“Eddie, are you there?” He cleared his throat and leaned against the truck. “Yes. What do you need Myra?”

She sighed and Eddie felt his spine tense, he hated that sigh. That was the “you won’t like this, but this is for the best and please don’t hate me” sigh.

“Eddie, I’m so sorry. I know that you’re busy and this is must be so hard for you… Oh Eddie, you must feel so hurt…!”

“Myra, now’s not a good time, what is it?” Sharp, too sharp, be gentle, be soft. “It’s just, you took the dresser.” Eddie peered into the truck. The dresser was worn and had been sitting in the garage. Two years ago she had made plans to have it refurbished but there it sat. Eddie took it and left her the quality, full wood set that he bought for her early in the marriage because _wouldn’t it be romantic to have something that lasted? Oh Eddie, wouldn’t it be perfect?_

“What about it.”

Another sigh. “Oh darling, I know that you never liked it so I had showed it to Bob. He needs it because he left his for his family to use and I had promised him…” She went on, her sweet voice going on and on and on. Eddie walked to the back of the truck and looked at his pitiful belongings. The dresser, some chairs, boxes of his work and personal items, a side table and dusty lamp that he wasn’t sure even worked. Things they never used, things that never saw the light of day.

Myra was going on and Eddie’s head buzzed with white noise. 

"Could you bring back the dresser Eddie? It's perfect and I know he'd appreciate and Eddie, you don't even _like_ it..."

Eddie's throat clicked as he tried to swallow, to speak. The whine in his ears started to ring as Myra started to cry. "Eddie, are you even listening? Eddie please, this is too much, I'm trying to to make things right, why are you being so cruel? Eddie, please!" 

He hung up on her. 

He looked at the chairs with the ugly fabric that she hated so much. He looked at the lamp with the stained shade. The vacuum that was missing parts and had been upgraded to one that Myra swore would make their lives better. And here stood the cruel husband who tried so damn hard-

Eddie took the lamp and threw it outside the truck.

He dropped the phone to the side and swung the vacuum up and above and down onto the dresser again and again and again, turning it with a shout onto his personal items that he had set aside, bashing it against the examples of everything that he lost and ruined and that just wasn't enough for anyone -

Hands restrained him. He jolted and tried to twist away with a push, tumbling off the back of the truck. More hands kept him upright and still “Deep breathes man.” Eddie could feel himself wheezing as black edged his vision, but a voice was coaching him through it, “In, out, c’mon man, one, two.” Eddie stilled as he breathed. “I’m fine.” He murmured against someone’s chest, tears running down his cheeks. “I’m fine, I’m fine, I'm fine.” He pulled weakly and the hands let him go. Ben was at one shoulder and a slighter man with intelligent blue eyes at his other. A black man was gently gripping his arms as he supported him. The others stood by. Eddie rubbed his eyes and wiped his face as he stepped fully away.

His phone rang. Eddie reached in and grabbed it with shaking hands.

“Oh… shit. Sorry, I’m sorry, let me just… sorry!” Eddie scurried to at least pick up the large pieces of glass from his tantrum. He couldn’t bear to look up and his skin crawled with heat. The others were trying to step in and Eddie was lurching back. “Sorry, I’ll be back to clean this up, Sorry!” And Eddie grabbed the closest box and ran.

As he rushed the hall looking for his door, he thought of moving somewhere else because obviously he could never see these people again.

Then he thought of his bank account and realized he was stuck.

Then he thought of everything he destroyed and realized that he ruined what little furniture he had.

Eddie wanted to scream and rage, but he thought of Myra pleading and sobbing, his mother trying to care for him and begging, and realized that he had nothing left.

He found his apartment and entered. His phone continued to ring. He dropped his box, slumped against the empty wall, and Eddie wept.

\--


End file.
